Who?

By Robert Hacker, jr.

When news hit about Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang’s death, I had to laugh. I thought, this must be a joke. They can’t be serious. They want us to believe a man of great moral strength would take the coward’s way out. Impossible.

Calling in to sources within the Anti-Werewolf Forces (never asking for attribution, of course) has proven fruitless. They are not talking, which lends one to believe that they aren’t on top of this and probably had little to do with Mr Fang’s end.

And if not them, then who?

Rumours do circulate and it doesn’t exactly take a detective named Holmes to figure it all out. Heck, the Pink Panther might stumble on to the answers.

Looking over my last notes I dug in to the final scene and was reminded of the soviet guard who helped me leave Spandau prison. A nice young man, good looking enough to marry my daughter and always in control; while I stayed in Spandau prison, he was an island of calm. When we were leaving I recall writing that he was the opposite of that calmness. He was hurried and ill looking and I had to be transferred to the next guards so that I might get out and he might get some help.

A transformation in to a werewolf for the first time must be a traumatic experience. This soviet guard showed all the signs of a man going through this traumatic transformation – the frothing mouth, the rising tensions in his muscles, and the dark tone of fear in his voice. True, this is all speculation without a grain of physical proof. Maybe he was bitten by rat and contracted rabies. The again we are talking about a guard who works in a prison that housed a werewolf.

I remembered what the American guard told me as the soviet guard led me to the elevator that was to take the soviet guard and I from the underground level to the floor level. He said: “Shee-ucks, if every werewolf were like Mr Fang we wouldn’t be afraid of no full moon.”

Shee-ucks, he was right. If every werewolf were like Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang…

Let’s assume that Mr Fang’s speech on the Reichstag and his article circulated around the globe spoke for a large segment of werewolves. Who spoke for the others? Their silence is deafening.

Werewolves don’t really like the limelight, at least those who are committed to werewolf rule. And make no doubt about it; there are those who wish great harm to the human race. They prefer the end of day when they can watch the moon appear in the dusky sky and become husky high. When Mr Fang came out on the Reichstag they took notice like the rest of us. Only they did not like what they were seeing.

Werewolves openly shunning their true nature and working with humans seemed like a bad idea to these guys. RuWolf was beginning his work on connecting humans and werewolves. He was conducting interviews, telling more werewolves to put their fangs away. There are elements in this world who think there is only one way. Mr Fang’s diction opposed this view.

Questions surely must go answered. Who does the Anti-Werewolf Forces work for? Who pays for them? How much? Are there any other werewolves organisations out there trying to undo what Mr Fang and his Werewolf Nation have done? The world is under a threat that can’t be measured accurately as the numbers released by the AWWF do not suggest the actual true number of humans attacked by werewolves worldwide. What are the real numbers?

To think that a man who came out of hiding to tell people he is who he is would take his own life seems inaccurate. In fact, it is impossible. The most important question of all: who killed RuWolf?

Interview pt.4

Time in the cell is closing. Soon, very soon, the prison guards will cut short the interview with Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang. And it has been 12 hours. But when the leader of the Werewolf Nation speaks, you listen for as long as he is speaking – regardless of how your body and mind are straining.

A prison guard knocks assertively on the cell’s iron door. This is the universe that inciting lycanthropy can bring you – a complete cosmos unintended for normal men, hidden under the most of the world, seven storeys deep and forgotten about except those that keep him here.

“Got FAH-ve minutes, ok,” said a guard in his deep southern US drawl.

It isn’t the prison guards that bother Mr Fang. For them, this palace of the damned is a job like any other. These young men from three corners of the planet could just as easily be working on your car as keeping werewolves in a pen. This job has better benefits and it is, however technical, serving the country – their country, which might just be the stars and stripes and the sickle and hammer at the same time. Some guards are Soviet Russian, other guards are monarchist English, and some are good ol’ fashion republican Americans. They all have values. They all follow rules.

“Ok? Duh ya here me?” yelled the prison guard through the sliding window on the iron door.

Once he sees that the interview is wrapping up, the guard backs off and slides the window closed.

“Not bad kids. They are doing a job,” said Mr Fang when the window is closed.

Part of the dilemma he lives with here in Spandau prison is the fact that he likes his guards. Call it Stockholm syndrome if you must, but what is really going on here and has been since the day Mr Fang began his imprisonment is a mutual respect he shares with the guards. They are both stuck in a place no kid dreams about being stuck in. Well at least no normal kid.

“I have never met a guard in this prison who says to me: ‘thank goodness I am here. What a great career path.’ That would be ridiculous to assume anyone wants to be here. Well except Hess, but as I have said (check the second instalment) he is a bastard anyways and no one likes him.”

When he is told that Hess has his own private room that acts as an open yard and house for him, Mr Fang’s skin seems to tense up. He swallows his words and smiles.

“This is fine. He is 93-years-old. He is still paying his dues.”

As for ever fully paying his dues, there is apparently zero chance you will ever see RuWolf on the streets again. According to sources in both Washington and Moscow they have no desire to see Mr Fang on the streets ever again. They like him just where is and even if that means inciting other werewolves to lash out, who might have otherwise followed the peaceful lead of Mr Fang, they are willing to live with these consequences. An anonymous source within the Anti-Werewolf Forces said that the US government in particular is happy to see the werewolves lash out. It makes them much easier to hunt.

“Lives of a few citizens do not measure up to the future of the planet,” said the source. “We all must do our part in ’87 to stamp out the scourge.”

All Mr Fang can do is shake his thick head when told of the AWWF’s intentions. He remains silent for the final few minutes we’re allowed. When the door opens up, Mr Fang’s face grows more animated if only for a second.

“You must let them know we can’t go on like this,” said Mr Fang calmly. “We must find peace.”

As I turned to ask him what he meant by this, the door shuts and a soviet guard leads me from the room. I venture to ask the soviet guard if he wants to say something to the western world, to become a soviet star in Canada.

“Nit,” is all he says. But the southern American guard pipes up from down the hall.

“Yeah, Jesus, we ain’t got anything against Mr Fang. Shee-ucks, if every werewolf could be like him we would fear no full moon.”

The soviet guard pushes me towards the elevator before I can turn my head and ask any further questions to the American guard.

Inside the elevator I can see the werewolf’s door open and two guards go in. I ask my soviet Spandau tour guide what they are going to do in there.

“Clean,” he says in rough English.

Going up the elevator floor I stare in to the guard’s eyes. I am looking for some sign of fear or contentment or strength. If I could see what these men think of Mr Fang without saying a word, that would give me a fuller picture of the werewolf.

In the guard’s blue eyes I see none of what I expect. I see danger and tension. And I can feel it. Once the door opens to the floor level we pass through a hall with barred-windows and we get a great view of the full moon… I had forgotten how long we were underneath for. It was the crushing heat of morning when I entered Spandau prison. It was now dusk and the full moon was lighting up. I began to scribble the last notes of my voyage in to Spandau prison in a spare notepad I carry in my jacket pocket.

“You must hurry,” said the guard.

“But he can’t see the moon and isn’t that the point,” I reassure the guard. Maybe he lost the point in translation because he says to me again: “you must hurry.”

The tension in his voice rises to a dark level and he asks me to look and not to listen to his words. I can see his body sweat pouring off his face and I wonder if he is sick and needs a bathroom. He tries to speak again but foam bubbles to the edge of his mouth and other guards quickly respond to his failing capacity to usher me out. Still, other guards attend to him as he falls to the ground.

I am quickly led to the Spandau prison gates and am told that the Nazi hellhole is now on lock-down, that it would be in my best interest to remove myself from the area.

The area is covered in shadows and they crawl under the cars and dash behind the trees like secret agents. I wonder who they might be. AWWF? The Werewolf Nation?

A hoarse howl screams from the bowls of Spandau prison. A furious picture is drawn in my head, blood and savagery spreading out behind the iron bars and guns are powerless to stop that picture. Passion and hedonism are the real masters and the hoarse howl yelps louder still.

Listening intently for several hours outside of the Spandau prison, I note the navy blue sky and its dim stars and dominant moon fading away with the early morning dawn. You can’t get this view if you are Rudolf Hess, or “RuWolf” Fang or a prison guard.

Yes, from the inside it all seems to be light years away.

Interview pt.3

To say that conditions in Spandau prison have deteriorated is understating the experience. Slime and dereliction cover the cement walls. Water puddles left over from rainy days remind you of having been somewhere better and drier. Beds remained unchanged for weeks. Blood paints the sinks with crimson speckles.

The four powers (US, UK, Soviet Union and France) are in depreciation mode here. Once Rudolf Hess is dead that’s it for the prison. The prisoners will be moved, the walls will crumble and the 111-year-old prison will be no more. The four powers claim it is to prevent Spandau being a shrine for Neo-Nazis. Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang believes it’s to hide all the secrets this terrible prison holds.

“I’ve seen some things that make my eyes jump out of my head,” said Mr Fang, finishing the last morsels of Soviet Union speciality prison food, rotting spinach and beans roll. “Like what exactly type of spinach is this?” He holds up the last piece of “spinach” between his fingers and shows its yellow colour. “I had no idea green spinach came in yellow,” said Mr Fang with a laugh.

There is no time frame for Rudolf Hess’ death. You can’t plan these kinds of things. But he is 93-years-old and there is no doubt that he has plunged in to senility and ill-health. A natural death cannot be far off.

Then there is RuWolf Fang. He is a sprite 66-year-old, lively as they come. Yes, he admits it is possibly because he is a werewolf. No, he doesn’t think it is because of the healthy food he’s fed. A natural death is miles away.

But he was given an unlimited prison sentence, the first of its kind, for inciting lycanthropy (IL) – a law that has not been in practice since the late 1700s. He has no idea when there will be a limit to his stay.

“It’s all fear. You guys (the media he means), the governments, the military, they all want you to be afraid. You should be. These Anti-Werewolf Forces are the scariest thing on earth. Prisons like Spandau should not exist. Nobody knows if this work is from government funding or from private enterprises. Nobody can answer it in government. Nobody can answer it on the street. And definitely, nobody can answer it in the Werewolf Nation. And we have been fighting these bastards for a decade.” Mr Fang sighed. He breathes in a bit and looks over his prison cell. “It’s all fear.”

RuWolf Fang was charged on December 12, 1986 for IL. He was sentenced one week later with no defence and no witnesses. He wrote an article that was widely published days before his sentencing, knowing full well that he was going to Spandau prison, a cemetery of written word. He claimed in the article that governments around the world should be dealing with bigger issues than werewolf activity. No government agency responded publicly to the article and it is unknown if they heeded any of his words after he was placed in Spandau. The AWWF still acts around the globe with impunity, with no transparency to their work. Any time they are asked to give interviews they respond only through the anonymous sourcing they love. Ostensibly this is to protect them from sourced responsibility. Regardless, they have western government support. And they act like it too.

“For years I could feel them chasing me. As a werewolf that’s just a skill. But even our human supporters would tell me that they sensed them, too; over looking their shoulders,” Mr Fang said.

The night the AWWF came knocking on his Berlin apartment door he was waiting. So why did he not run? In no uncertain terms, Mr Fang decided he had run enough.

“I was sitting across from Johnny Chen, as strong a werewolf if ever I had known one, and he was very relaxed on that day in May. He had been out all night with his human girlfriend and he had been able to tell her the truth. He told her everything about himself. It was something we discussed on our voyages to the Black Forest a decade before. Telling the truth was the key to relaxation. But it was truth within the group. Everything else outside the group was just theoretical.

“Johnny joined us only earlier this year. But the thing is he is very bright and picked up on what we were doing right away. So when he told me he had told his HUMAN girlfriend about his reality, I knew then I was sick of running. A weight had been lifted on my shoulders and I felt it was time to carry that weight to the Reichstag.”

Months before the speech, in his little Berlin apartment, Mr Fang met with his fellow Werewolf Nation members and told them that he felt the need for another shift in the werewolf movement.

Leading up the famed Reichstag speech on November 21, 1986, he wanted the human race to know the truth.

And he gave it to them.

On a wintery November evening, Mr Fang gave his speech in front of thousands of West Berliners who were left gobsmacked by the Werewolf Nation leader’s words. Thousands began crying out evil names and horrifying anti-Communist slogans. They were given the Werewolf Nation side of things. But that could not have mattered less.

“There we were telling them the most important fact of our existence and all they cared about was anti-communism. I felt we had been ignored right in front of our faces.”

But they weren’t ignored. Hours later an AAWF agent showed up at the Werewolf Nation after-party and spoke privately with Mr Fang. He told him that they weren’t pursuing him, so he could stay in Berlin. But if he left they were going to hunt and kill him.

This memory drives Mr Fang to stand up and shake his hands in the wet, stale Spandau prison air.

Three weeks later Mr Fang was arrested by the same agent, who had come with a group of AWWF members. According to Mr Fang, when he asked the agent why he was reneging on his words the agent said his words are nothing but currency to buy time. They needed time to build a special prison cell in Spandau prison, deep and hidden. By trusting the agent, Mr Fang had given them the time.

“What I really did was give them value to their words. I should have known they would come to me like they went to Louie. And now I rot like the yellow spinach. I don’t know what to do.”

Mr Fang’s shoulders then crumble like a tired mountain. Soon the walls in Spandau prison will follow.

Look for the last instalment tomorrow on Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang.

Interview pt.2

Relaxing for a moment, Sebastian “Ruwolf” Fang has returned to chewing his bitter, vile looking and vile smelling spinach and bean roll between his granite facial features. In his crystal blue eyes are resentment and fear. Twisted thoughts might be spinning in his thick head but the werewolf leader has returned to his more human demeanour, if that is what it might be called.

“It isn’t what it might be called. It is what it needs to be called. I am human right now and if the desire by me scares anyone they should realise that I am stuck in some unknown level of Spandau prison awaiting my death,” said Mr Fang, resigned to his fate.

Mr Fang has lived in Spandau prison for the past year and with the death of former Nazi leader, Rudolf Hess, he fears he will never see the outside again after they tear down these prison walls.

Mr Fang waves his had dismissively at discussion on the Nazi matter. “The man is always complaining, but he is not the one who should be complaining.”

Spandau prison was home of the Nazi Seven, Hess, Walther Funk, Erich Raeder, Albert Speer, Baldur von Schirach, Konstantin von Neurath and Karl Donitz. Spandau prison is now home to the Nazi one – Hess. The rest have either been released for health or finishing their terms. This offends Mr Fang more than anything.

“I am stuck in here like I am Nazi. I hate the Nazis. I hated them when I was a young man and I hate them now as an elderly man,” said an angry Mr Fang.

Mr Fang never joined the German Third Reich army during the Second World War because of moral difficulties with the Nazi way. That makes sense if you are a werewolf who finds eating humans wrong. He hid himself from the SA, SS and Gestapo and never shot a single bullet. So why join the werewolf nation? Why come out of hiding?

“I had friends who had been hunted and killed for simply being a werewolf. It didn’t matter if they ate humans or not,” with this Mr Fang makes a slicing gesture against his throat, “they were slit with silver machetes, hung by silver chains and tortured or burned while they slept. I could not stand by and let this go on. When Marshall Lewis asked me to join the group it was a difficult but necessary decision. How many more needed to die? None.

“They needed to change. By joining I could get this group of animals…” Mr Fang begins a short but strong howl “…to be something more; to be a group of hope rather than of devastation. It was the way I thought we could make humans understand that we belong to this blue globe just as much as they do.”

Travelling with the group brought many nights of drinking and rocking but he never again ate flesh. Mr Fang always found his own place to be on full moons and hunted mammals just like he did before joining the group. Soon others joined him, curious why he did not eat humans, and found that he might be on to something.

“At this time… I think it was ’79… Louie (Marshall Lewis) had been hunted and killed by this new group called the Anti-Werewolf Forces – hung him by his neck on a silver collar. The two of us never did see eye-to-eye on the eating mammals-thing. He thought we were creatures of savagery, that there was nothing wrong with that and we needed to eat humans to claim our dominance. To say I disagreed with that well… we had our battles. But he respected me. And I worshiped him.

“After his death was confirmed, we were without a leader and I had no desire to be that guy, you know. He was a leader in every sense of the word. When he breathed the multitudes breathed. Me, I was just trying to be myself within the group. What I didn’t consider in 1980, when we were still leaderless, was that without a man on top the group could not function. Me heading out to the Black Forest, to hide and dismiss my instinct, apparently sent a message to the multitudes.

“Werewolves began following me to the shadows of the Black Forest, where we ate rabbit or elk and we would have discussions in German and English and then French and then Chinese and then well, I’ve lost count of the languages spoken in the shadows. But we spoke. We spoke about unity and peace and loving us and loving humans. It isn’t hippy stuff; it is just a way of moving beyond the stereotype.”

Moving werewolves is the easy part of Mr Fang’s conversation here in Spandau prison. Moving words about Marshall Lewis is more difficult. He is troubled by his former leader’s death and their ideological arguments. When he speaks of Mr Lewis, his voice becomes listless and tired, as if the words had been shared too many times. But he speaks of his former leader like he was still alive, like he was here in the deep darkness of Spandau – like they were still travelling the European roads.

They are in Prague rolling in the grass, after a long moon chase. They are in Pere Lachaise graveyard in Paris peeing on Jim Morrison’s grave and writing on Oscar Wilde’s grave: “Sun is the curse of the Werewolf class.” Then they are in London with the three werewolf women and some more rolling. They are in a time…

“There wasn’t enough time. They found him in our room and dragged him to some park in Bethnal Green in East London and hung him like a piece of ham. They knew we were in London and knew it was raining and cloudy. That’s why the original werewolf nation left England. Not enough clear skies to rely on. So when the originals came back, sure enough we had no idea what awaited them. The AWWF is a piece of crap. They found him alone in a weakened human state in our hotel room and they took him away.

“He is a good… well call him what you like… Louie is good. He is the reason I am living. It isn’t any use…”

Tears fall over rocky cheeks and careen off cliffy chins. And so he returns to the comfort of that revolting spinach and bean roll, sad as he may be.

Look for Tomorrow’s Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang instalment.

The Interview pt.1

The oppressive heat of the morning sun stifles my skin as I walk in to Spandau prison for an important meeting. Given the evident yellow globe willing its heat on me, it is strange that my mind is fixed on what the sky looks like when that yellow globe disappears.

Every once in a while in Spandau prison you can see the stars appear on the navy blue sky. Though they are light years away, you can see them blink and shimmer with dim light behind iron bars. It might not be the best way a person can see them, but they are the only way to see them from the inside.

Beside the jewels of the cosmos lays the bright, unrelenting shine of the pale moon. On a clear night it dominates the navy blue sky. It’s eye catching. It can create passion in our souls. It can drive something inside us to great or horrific things. A scary thought. Well, that’s what should scare any of us.

That’s definitely what scares guards in Spandau prison.

Locked in deep – way down – in the depths of the notorious Nazi prison in , these guards from three corners of the world spend many shades of moon with Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang, leader of the Werewolf Nation an honest, fang baring, furry 6-foot-2 werewolf.

There is supposed to be little to fear. Mr Fang is hidden from the navy blue sky, from the dim stars and more importantly, from the pale moon. Yet no one feels right. Everything is tense.

What Mr Fang does see is the pillar-like faces of the Soviet, American and British guards through a sliding window in the iron door that locks him in.

Inside the room, Mr Fang is surrounded by books that rise to the concrete ceiling. There must be at least 500 on subjects as varied as pornography and geography. And it doesn’t faze him a bit. Shocking to some, he would much rather read then eat.

“It’s assumed that I like to eat humans,” said Mr Fang in his thick Bavarian accent. “Books are my diet, words on my plate and nourishment for my mind.”

It’s as if Mr Fang is reciting his old schoolboy mantra, fitting since he is sitting on a small bed, fit for a ten-year-old boy but not a 66-year-old grown man… wolf… wolf-man… in Spandau prison, notorious Nazi hellhole, hard as a rock, deep as a black hole and a never-never land of regret.

“If I could say I had regret,” said Mr Fang between bites of his spinach and bean roll that smelled like sewage-waste, “it would have to be that I tried to educate the public too late in the game.

“That was my problem. I did not at first wish to be a leader of anything. I wanted to be a simple train engineer, working the Bavarian train lines from Fussen to Munich to Stuttgart. But what are you going to do, huh? Leave the world to determine your own fate.”

Mr Fang’s fate was sealed the night he met a travelling group of English werewolves, named the werewolf nation. The Werewolf Nation was an unorganised troupe of rebellious werewolves who travelled throughout Europe partying, meeting other werewolves and eating – a lot. According to Mr Fang, under a typical full moon he had transformed that night and was hunting as he always claims he did in a Bavarian forest looking for mammals rather than humans to eat.

“I was born this way,” said Mr Fang of his chosen non-human eating path. “I am the seventh child of a catholic family that loved and raised me to be a great man. They reminded me that although I have a beast side, I have a human side, too. I was raised with my… ‘skill-set’ to respect the pure human race. But my parents never allowed me to feel isolated because of my ‘skill-set’, even in a Germany that was very intolerant. To forget their wishes would be kin to biting in to my parents. What else could I do? I love them and they love me.”

Once Mr Fang came to an understanding that the beasts were not going to hurt him, he showed them around the forest, giving them the locations of good animal hunting grounds and transformation spots they might like to use. But the werewolf nation would have nothing to do with his advice.

“At first I thought they were regular wolves, because they were so short. But when I saw their eyes I knew it. I knew it like my birthday. They were werewolves like me but they spoke English, which at that time I did not.”

They looked upon Mr Fang as a future member but not as a guide to the werewolf hunting grounds of the Black Forest. For that they had no use.

“Marshall Lewis (of Wolverhampton, UK, then leader of werewolf nation, now martyr of Werewolf Nation) looked at me and he gave me a sick, lusty grin that said without words – remember I could not speak English at the time – that what they wanted dwelled not under the cover of branches and grass but under places of brick and tiles. I had made a choice like that character Louis from Interview with a Vampire to hunt only mammals as I felt at the time – as I would today – that our place in the world was to remain hidden. It’s not like I was comfortable being a werewolf; I couldn’t exactly tell my co-engineers that they were riding with a beast.

“Well I was pretty much in the same position with these guys, you know, I couldn’t exactly tell them that I didn’t eat humans. I was outnumbered 8-to-1. You better damn well believe at that moment I ate humans. Plus there were a few issues that needed to be dealt with in town, so I said: ‘Gehen Wir’ and then we tore apart thirty poor souls. It was the last time I ever ate human flesh… Yes, it was delicious the best tasting meat on earth, but…”

At this point Mr Fang gets a very eager look on his face.

Look for what happens next on tomorrow’s report by me on Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang’s last days in Spandau Prison.

An importance

So now we get the point of why we landed here in the first place. The month of a werewolf is a one day affair. His lycanthropy (and who is not getting tired of this elongated, outmoded word)owing to full moons, he is mostly a human rather than a beast.

Compare the local werewolf to your mint comic. The Hulk can roid-rage at any moment but you would think that was a rather blase affair. A man chooses every night to put a bat costume on and you think: "what a tortured hero." But a werewolf transforms once a month from a man to beast and you go, "how horrifying." But it lasts so briefly and his victims so minute that he is just as understandable as the comic book hero. There are things he MUST do but he is still a man.

That's why I think it is time to release the banned Sebastian "RuWolf" Fang story today on the Theater of Technicolor Dreams. It was banned by my former editor at the Daily Snore...er, I mean Roar, but I will not hold it back any further.

I, Robert Hacker, jr am not a werewolf apologist. But why leave such a important four-part-story sitting on my computer files when it is obvious with latest misdirected talk on werewolves filling our media files.

Read my stories and let me know that you give a damn.

Hack-Man OUT!

THE MOON/ MILLENIUM SETS ON WERWOLVES

By Robert Hacker, jr.
News Desk, 2000
Where have they gone? The full moons enter our skies monthly and nay a howl is heard from the Black Forest to the streets of Black Mountain. Where have they gone?

It has been years since anyone has seen a werewolf anywhere and if they are all dead then questions must be asked as to why we are still funding the Anti-Werewolf Forces and why they are needed. The AWWF has claimed that the numbers of werewolves on Earth are still very high and that we should remain vigilant whenever we are out of the security of our homes.

“We are still seeing a surge in certain areas of the globe where werewolves not only exist but are increasing in numbers,” said an anonymous source from AWWF.

Questions have been raised towards the AWWF’s policy of unnamed sources but AWWF officials remain unapologetic about their lack of transparency, years after being formed as an unknown group in the late ‘70s.

“We must protect our agents around the world by not giving their names away in news services or speaking about what they are doing in missions. We would put them in harms way if we did that,” said the source. So, the lack of transparency continues until further notice.

Meanwhile, the AWWF are conducting warrantless searches of homes in North America – especially in the Pacific Northwest, where 3,000 homes have been investigated over the past year for housing an illegal being – in the name of finishing off the werewolf population. Some homes have been found to hold Humans or Werewolves Lives (HOWL) propaganda and the inhabitants have been arrested on the spot.

“We are in the final days of this threat but they are still out there,” said Wyoming R. Rep. Thurgood Mansfield. “

According to Princeton lycanthropy research professor Desmond Lyons, PhD, there is little empirical evidence of werewolf existence. Prof Lyons claims the world is under severe threat of werewolf-phobia-behaviour (WPB), a disease he believes that inflicts humans when they fear what is unknown. He said that this was no more than another example of the “Little Albert experiment,” the John B. Watson experiment in the 1920s when he instilled fear in an infant by associating scary noises with a white rat.

“Right now,” said Prof Lyons, “the AWWF is doping us in to nothing more than the sounding of that gong.”

On the street, through anecdotal evidence, there is still much fear. People in North America have been claiming they stay inside on full moon evenings and keep their cooking to strict vegetarian meals on these nights.

“I don’t even look out my window on those nights,” said Shauna Mercy, a nurse at Nebraska University in Omaha. “I’m not going to let them hurt my kids or convert them in to dogs. That ain’t American. That ain’t right.”

In Canada, Marian Fourchet a dock worker in Montreal said he saw nothing wrong with being afraid of werewolves.

“It’s not like it’s unmanly to be scared of them,” said Fourchet. “We have to support our countries in times like this. If people like RuWolf (Sebastian Fang) were allowed to roam the streets and harm us then nothing would work. I wouldn’t work. I would sit in my home and cry and what good what that be? Our boys are fighting, we need to help them by doing as they say.”

DUAL SUICIDE IN SPANDAU PRISON ten years ago

By Robert Hacker, jr.
December 1997
News Desk archives (1987)
Rudolf Hess is dead. So is Sebastian Fang. Both men were found hanging from two ropes in Spandau prison, in separate cells, in separate circumstances, meeting their ends hours apart.

Mr Hess is Adolf Hitler’s former deputy and has been serving a lifetime sentence for crimes against peace and conspiracy. He was found hanging by an electrical chord in his summer house in an undisclosed location of Spandau prison.

Mr Fang is the leader of Werewolf Nation and was sentenced to an unlimited prison term for inciting lycanthropy. He has committed suicide in the depths of Spandau prison by a silver chain.

Spandau prison officials from the Four Powers (US, Soviet Union, France and the UK) have commented saying: “we are investigating exactly how both men died. At this time we are giving their families time to grieve and our agents more time to recover any clues from the death scenes until we comment further.”

Rudolf Hess was 93. Sebastian “RuWolf” Fang was 66.

LYNCH THE LYNCANTHROPISTS

You can’t even get a coffee at night without peaking over your shoulder. What kind of a world do we live in? One filled with werewolves. And that is not acceptable.

You pay your taxes. You go to work. You raise a family. That life should not be under the threat of the werewolf virus that we must defend from. Organizations like Humans or Werewolf Lives (HOWL) only operate to cause evil in this world. If they really wanted to bring conciliation to our world they would consider their own necks and not those of werewolves. As stated by Joseph Veriticus, we are threatened by werewolves who operate under strict ideology that does not pass on this planet.

Werewolves believe that their role on earth is to keep the human population down by devouring us so that the rest of the world might live more peacefully. That is a load of baloney. If it weren’t for humans the black plague would still be infecting scores of species, not just human. If it weren’t for humans, species would not have returned to their native lands after being re-introduced by us. No, it’s not us who are the threat.

If there were no humans on earth, then the werewolves would simply move on the next species. Through our investigations, we have come across many mutilated rabbits, cats, birds and donkeys. Yes, donkeys. Man’s third best friend.

However, it is not their fangs that you must fear most. It is their words. Do not believe the words that HOWL and Werewolf Nation wish you to believe. They are lies. You are under threat and we can help.

Because of the stronger anti-werewolf laws that have been passed we are liberalized. Because of the Anti-Werewolf Forces, our liberties are protected.

New Anti-Werewolf Law passes

February 13, 1996
By Robert Hacker, jr.

Yesterday werewolves were under threat only if they were caught transforming and attacking, or propagating their culture. Today they will be hunted no matter their behaviour.

The US Congress, British Parliament, Russian Congress, Chinese Politburo and Canadian House of Commons have passed new bills making being a werewolf completely illegal. The punishment is now corporal punishment on the spot.

“What has happened here today is the world governance showing real leadership under threat,” said Wyoming rep. Thurgood Mansfield. “We have dealt with the werewolf threat in strong, uncompromising terms: you are not welcome on our planet. I feel blessed to be not only an American, but a human too.”

Canadian Prime Minister Orland Lobos used slightly more toned-down words after Bill C-666 was passed. “We can think of a bright future now, all though it is a shame it has come to this.”

The new powers gives the Anti-Werewolf Forces all the authority they need to kill off the werewolf species.

“This is a message to the werewolves who darken our bright world,” said a source speaking on condition of anonymity because of ongoing investigations. “We will shine the light.”

Meet Joe Werewolf

report by Robert Hacker, jr.

Joseph Veriticus is a werewolf. He knows it and you need to know it too. Because, as he warns, if the world doesn’t begin to believe they exist, they soon won’t. And that will have dire consequences for the world’s eco-system.

As new Anti-Werewolf legislation is being considered by most western nations around the world – and the possibility werewolf population decrease – the 32-year-old half-man, half-beast has ignored warnings by Werewolf Nation, coming out of the shadows to warn humanity of what might come.

Veriticus believes that the world needs werewolves to ensure that Mother Nature’s balance is kept in tact. As the head of the food chain, werewolves keep their prey from running amok on the earth’s surface. Of course their favourite prey is human. Keeping our numbers down, so that the rest of the world might enjoy the planet’s gifts is what werewolves are about.

“You can’t put a value on how many lives – animal lives – we have saved by eating humans,” said Verticus as he munched on a rare t-bone steak at The Porterhouse Grill. “Humans could become more than a nuisance if they aren’t kept in check. Because of their nature – their beastly desire to control – they pose a significant risk to the world.”

Representatives for the Anti-Werewolf Forces, a global unit set up to fight werewolf activity world-wide, commented solely on condition of anonymity because of ongoing investigations, including some on Veriticus. According to the source, werewolves have begun an eco campaign in efforts to stifle human drive to wipe them out.

“Their whole game is to keep citizens confused, to subvert what we do here in the AWWF and destroy our way of life.

“But we’ll sort them out… one silver bullet at a time.”

Veriticus warns that such action will lead to an end of the planets resources because humans cannot help themselves. As a worker for the Agricultural Land Reserve, Veriticus says he has seen what our way of life is and it distresses him immensely.

“Un-checked, un-eaten, the human will kill off our planet. And it is ours, too.”

Werewolf calendar -- 14 Years Ago Today

July 18, 1994
More than 200 werewolves were taken in to custody in Germany and Luxembourg as they observed the seventh anniversary of the death of Sebastian "Ruwolf" Fang. Fang hanged himself on a silver chain in Spandau Prison in 1987 hours after Adolf Hitler's right-hand-man Rudolf Hess was found hanging by electrical chord. Mr Fang died at the tender age of 66.
-report by Robert Hacker, jr.

WEREWOLF ATTACKS IN THE UNITED STATES BY TARGET, BETWEEN 1990 AND 1995

Residences………………………………………………. 1
Private Residence……………………………………….. 1
Apartment House ……………………………………….. 0
Other Private Property ………………………………….. 0

Public Safety ………………………………………….. 1
Law Enforcement …………………………………….. 0
Building ……………………………………………….. 0
Vehicle ………………………………………………… 0
Fire Department and Equipment ……………………… 1

Persons …………………………………………………...3
Total: 5

Fear of wolves in the 'Couv

An elderly man claimed to be the latest victim of werewolf activity on Vancouver streets last night. According to police sources, he was attacked on the No. 10 bus heading home last night.
The attack took place at approximately 10:30 pm. There had been a full moon in the sky. Jay Swallow said he was making his way home as he always does on the Granville St. bus last night when he witnessed a man becoming agitated as he stared at the moon sitting on a bus seat.
Swallow, a retired police officer from Marpole, claims the agitated man transformed in to a werewolf and attacked teens sitting at the back of the bus. He claims that when the werewolf had finished devouring the teens, he turned his attention to Swallow.
“I just made room for him. He was behaving oddly but not so oddly for that bus route. I thought he was just another drunk that might have gone too far on the bus, probably was meant to get off on Hastings and Granville. We get that a lot. However, when fur started popping out of his flannel shirt, I knew we were for something far more dangerous.”
According to Swallow, the werewolf tried to take a bite out of him once he was done devouring the teens. But Swallow wears a silver bullet attached to his necklace, which he received from his time on the Vancouver Police Department. That was enough to scare the werewolf off the bus. Swallow could not say what direction the werewolf ran.
Officials with BC Transit would not comment on the story. Anti-Werewolf Forces said the matter was under investigation.

REALITY CHECK FOR HUMANS in'86

By Ruwolf Fang

For better or worse the world is not under threat of werewolves.

The world is troubled, not by any dogs or monsters but by the ineptitude of our so-called leaders who claim to know what they are doing and what we should be doing. This whole suggestion that the world should fear the werewolf threat is unfounded and if you consider that you are far more likely to be caught on the grips of gridlock horror than the fang-based terror, you will certainly see that werewolves just do not exist. If they did, then why haven’t you seen one? Where is the proof that they exit?

US President Ronald Regan claims the numbers prove the need for the Anti-Werewolf Forces. The stats don't bare this fact. It appears it is more convenient for the world’s governments to create bogeymen that hide from the light, which might attack us at any moment under the “right conditions”, then to deal with the real issues of our society that they themselves have pushed in to the shadows. We have a chronic homeless problem. Drugs have flooded our streets, carried on the ocean surface by the dark currents of criminality. Police abuse is on the rise. Society is indeed under attack. What have our leaders done to answer these issues? I can’t say. Neither can most of you.

Celebrating the end of lycanthropy might seem like a fine idea but for the $1.5 million we spent this year on the AWWF we might have built new homes for the poor or given free drug counselling for the addicted. The government could have made answers for real problems. Yet here we are listening to the US President claiming victories in fictitious battles with bogeymen.

“Werewolves” are not the issue. Bad policy is far more terrifying.